Friday, August 01, 2008

About Leaving

Currently, I live in Phoenix, Arizona and in twenty days I'll be moving to Amherst.

The interesting thing is, I was accepted to begin the program last year, Fall '07, but I chose to defer for a year. A risky decision, but I'm glad I did it. For one thing, I really plunged into my novel and made all the mistakes newbies go through, and I made it through on my own. A lot of people I meet say they have a hard time writing if there's no deadline, and I really think I got up in the morning and started writing, just to do it. There are several other reasons why I'm happy I deferred for a year, and one of them is my boyfriend. He and I live together in a nice house with lots of books and a grapefruit tree in the backyard and every morning, we eat breakfast together.

Sometimes it feels like everything here is so good in Phoenix, and now I'm leaving for something unknown. Sometimes I just wish I knew exactly what was going to happen in the program. I wish I knew that I was going to meet the right instructors who will be willing to put forth the effort 100% and not be shy about the dirty smutty parts of my writing, and I wish I knew that within three years, I'll have my book ready and on its way to be published.

Alex spoke a little about this in his comments, so I'm glad I know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

2 comments:

Alex said...

Congrats on heading to Amherst. I went to their summer program the past two years, met some faculty and students, and I'm sure you'll get everything you're expecting and more. There's a great group of people there.

(And I envy all the chances you'll have to eat at Antonio's Pizza.)

It sounds like you have a solid plan, too. I think it's natural to get spooked as the day approaches...what I try to remember is that I set this all in motion for a reason -- the big-picture reason -- and I just try to trust it. I'm sure once the semester starts we'll have no more time for worrying.

I think it's great that you took a year to work on your own and spend time with your boyfriend. It's cool that you had that opportunity.

Emily A. Benton said...

I agree, Jess - moving is a BIG deal, especially when you have a life already set up and are sharing it with another person. I didn't realize how scary it can be until I had to make decisions last year about moving or not moving to certain schools this fall. Giving myself another year has become a blessing in disguise. I've already started weeding out closets and taking stuff to Goodwill because it won't be long before I'll be back to the decision board, and hopefully following through with it this time.

Thanks for sharing and I look forward to hearing more about your journey and MFA experience.